


Long Road Ahead

by ashmandalc



Category: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Self-Esteem Issues, but isnt the longest ive gotten for them by far, he may be a captain but shes the general, oddly titled THE LONG ONE in my google docs, of the emotional kind, some self deprecation from Erend, we all agree she holds all the control in this relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 19:56:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20533712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashmandalc/pseuds/ashmandalc
Summary: Then he spies her. She is walking toward the Hunting Lodge, a handsome Carja noble at her side. The Carja noble smiling brightly, and hanging on her every word. (He knows that look well. He’s worn it a few times himself.)





	Long Road Ahead

**Author's Note:**

> This has been in my docs for ages, and I've finally got it where I feel confident enough to post it. Hope you all enjoy! There might be minor revisions in the future, but we'll see.

He’s passing by a spice stall when he hears a rumor she’s with someone, and it’s serious. He doesn't register the aroma from the mixture of spices as the implications stop him short. He waits for someone to laugh, to finish the jest. It must be fake; she wouldn’t hide something like that from him. Must be those people. He moves on from the stall, intent on the conversations of others. Except, it seems everyone in the market is whispering about it. He doesn’t want to think it’s real. He doesn’t. 

Then he spies her. She is walking toward the Hunting Lodge, a handsome Carja noble at her side. The Carja noble smiling brightly, and hanging on her every word. (He knows that look well. He’s worn it a few times himself.)

He keeps himself busy; the day is a blur of patrols and disputes. But that night, he wants nothing more than to drink everything away.

He’s halfway through bottle number three, and he feels it harder than he thinks he should, when he hears a knock at his door. Dread sinks in his belly as he silently wills whoever is behind it to _go away, I can’t, please just leave._ The knocking continues, and he takes another swig before gathering what courage he has left, and moves to opens it.

Her hand is poised to knock again, mouth open with the beginning of his name spilling out. She smiles up at him, then grimaces as she takes in his appearance. She eyes the bottle he’s got by the neck, and takes a delicate sniff from the distance away.

Her eyes narrow at it knowingly. “Scrappersap.”

Erend hums, a solid mass not budging from the doorway. She tilts her head back to look at him, then tries to look past him. He leans to block her view of his home. Hazel eyes are heated and angry as she looks up at him.

“Erend,” she begins sweetly through gritted teeth. “May I come in?”

He shakes his head; “I don’t t-think that’s such a good idea.”

“Yeah, I don’t think you’ve got much choice right now.”

She easily pushes past his sturdy build, and he drunkenly stumbles to catch himself on the wall. He groans and closes the door, takes another swig.

“Please, sit! Plenty of seating.” His voice is bright, but she hears the snark dripping from his words.

“Yeah, pity party for one left a lot of open table space.” She brushes two empty bottles away, and stands opposite where he’s decided to be slumped over in his seat. His elbows are resting on the table, and he’s thoroughly contemplating just running out the door. To her, it looks as if he’s looking awfully thoughtful at the woodgrain of his table.

“I think you know what I’m gonna say,” she begins, voice hard. She rests her palms on the table, but keeps her stare on him.

Aloy thinks: You're being ridiculous and drunk again, don't do that.

Erend thinks: _“I know you're into me, but you need to stop because I found someone and honestly, I just wanna be friends.”_

“I’m fine, Aloy.” He’s slurring his words, and still won’t look her in the eye.

“Erend, the last time I saw you this drunk--”

“Yeah, yeah, I know! You really don’t have to say it. Don’t need that swimming around on top of everything else.”

They’re silent again, him looking anywhere but at her, and her unyielding scrutiny directed solely at him. She feels her heart wrench in her chest a moment, and whispers gently to him.

“I can’t fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong.”

“Come on. You know what’s wrong.”

“I really don’t.”

Erend takes a chance to look up at her through his lashes. She seems hazy, but overall very much there. So he’s not so drunk he’s hallucinating. Perfect. Not.

“Let’s just drop it then.”

“No, I’m not gonna leave you like this.”

He shudders through a breath, and watches her through the corner of his eye, waiting to see her reaction as he takes another sip. An imitation of a laugh claws its way out of him.

“Congratulations, by the way. He’s a great guy.”

The silence stretches as he lets his words reach her. A glance up shows a look of shock plastered across her face. So he wasn’t supposed to know? Of course, he wasn’t. She didn’t want to be responsible for _this_, he thinks. Of course, she wouldn’t tell him.

“He’s smart, nice. Handsome. Rich. You’ll want for nothing.”

Her mind gathers itself enough to offer a snort, and to roll her eyes at him. “Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious. He’s great. Better than anything else you coulda got in Meridian, that’s for sure. Aside from Avad, but you already told him no, and honestly, about that: Why turn down a _king_? A _handsome king_ who was into you? He's a great guy, too, and really. If he didn't stand a chance, what does this guy got that Avad doesn't?”

“So you're upset for Avad’s sake?”

“Hell no. He had no business asking you in the first place.”

“Okay. I’ll touch on that later. More importantly: Then what exactly is it that’s bothering you?”

He shakes his head, mentally tells himself to_ shut up shut up shut up shut up_. Instead he spills out: 

“It’s stupid. I won't waste your time. I think you should leave. I have a long day ahead of me.”

He hears a groan from across the table. “Erend, it’s night time...”

She barely gets the chance to get the words out before he explodes, arms flying out to his sides.

“I don’t even _know why I’m so upset_! It's not like I didn't know how it'd be. I knew you would never…”

He swallows back a breath, clears his throat.

“I can't compare at all, and he's a great person. I can’t even be mad and hate the guy.”

“_What. Are. You. talking about_?”

“_Come on_! You know what.”

“Erend, are you saying--”

“I _won't_ say it. I won't do that to you. I’d rather see you happy with someone else than never see you again. I promise I won't make things weird.”

“I think it’s a little late for that…” She shifts from one foot to the other, arms crossed over her chest.

“I love you. I am _in_ love with you. Which is stupid because really, I know how to pick’em don't I? Most important woman in the world? Talk about reaching above your station. Don’t worry. I know where I belong. And I swear to you I won’t bring it up again. You'll never hear a peep from me about it.”

Her mouth fell open from the start, and she’s stuck watching him nervously fidget in his seat. He shakes his head, looks longingly toward his door. He tugs on his scarf, pulling at it until he can toss it to the floor.

“Tell me what you need done for the wedding. I’ll do whatever you need me to do. I promise. No questions asked, no weirdness. I know I'm a worthless drunk, but I’ll be a good friend, I promise. I won't say anything, I'll do whatever you need me to do.” There’s a forced levity to his words, and her heart _breaks_.

His eyes are shining, and desperate as he looks to her then away again.

“That's...sweet of you but unnecessary.”

The longer the silence stretches on, the worse she feels about coming here tonight. She should have walked away when she’d seen how gone he was. She should have known he’d be in _a state_, and in no place to talk to her. Now to hear him drunkenly slur a confession of love? She feels sick.

“So I fucked it up anyway? Sounds about right.” He nods knowingly at the table. “I think you should leave.”

“Erend you're not listening to me. Also, you’re jumping to a lot of conclusions.”

He sneers, and mouths her words in a mimicry followed by drunken murmuring into his bottle. Her fingers snap in front of his face, and in his surprise, she snatches the bottle from his hand.

“Erend, it’s not necessary because it’s. Not. Real. I’m not with him. I’m not getting married. There’s no grand epic romance I've been hiding from you. It’s a mutual deal that was over as of about two hours ago.”

His head tilts, and she’s reminded of curious watchers after she’s driven her Overrider through their programming. She watches her words settle in his scrappersap-hazed mind.

“Wait, what? There’s...there’s no wedding? No...no him? And you?”

“No. No him and me. If you had _talked _to me about it, I could have told you everything.”

“Then…”

He buries his face in his hands. She almost feels sorry for him. Then she sees the other two empty bottles, and loses that sympathy.

“I just...oh, no. I think I'm gonna throw up.”

One of his big arms wraps around his stomach, the other still held over his mouth. His eyes shut tight; she sees the tears leaking out. Teeth biting her lip, she thinks of _‘I love you. I am _in_ love with you.’_

“Erend, I need you to do me a favor for tonight.”

“Anything.” It’s muffled behind his palm. He raises his head, looking a little lost, but more than ready to hang on her every word. She feels a little worried at the power she has over him.

“No more drinking tonight. Go to bed. When you wake up, take a bath and wait for me here.”

He nods. Aloy keeps her face straight, and nods back. She carefully closes the door behind her, and leans against taking a deep breath. The words themselves were good ones. He loves her, so he says. Unfortunately, she can’t take much stock in what he says in this state. Doesn’t want to put too much thought into something that could just as easily have been the scrappersap talking. She steadies herself with deep breaths, listens to him stumble around, and up his stairs. Silence, and she begins her walk home, a calming hand placed over her heart.

~~~

The headache he’s sporting is a known enemy, as is the bumbling steps he makes from his bed to his bath. He can remember far too much of last night to be happy, but knows he promised her this. A warm bath to soothe the high-strung nerves, a shave to tidy himself up a bit. He tries to tell himself not to worry. She wasn’t scared away. She’s coming back. He still has her, even if it might just be for this morning.

He dresses himself in the shirt, pants, and boots of his uniform, but leaves his armor sitting in his room. Awkward steps take him down the stairs, still groggy and not quite ready to face what today might bring. It’s just as he’s reaching the ground floor, he hears a knock, and her voice softly calling his name. The door opens and he steps aside to let her through, arm held out in welcome. She gives him a stiff smile, and he tries to smile back, but knows it was lacking any substance behind it. In her arms, she carries a small sack that seems to be carrying the scent of cooked bacon with it. She sets the sack on his table, and moves to grab a couple plates, while he cleans away his mess from the night before. Bottles are left by the door, even the third that’s a quarter full still. He watches her open the sack on the counter, and she just _keeps pulling things out._ A tea tin, followed by a plate of bacon and eggs (_how did she convince the cook to let her take plate and all, and how might he go about doing the same?)_, and a loaf of fresh bread. It gives way under her fingers, still warm from the oven. A wedge of cheese is placed aside as she takes a knife and begins preparing their breakfast. He reaches for his kettle, knowing from past experience that tea was not her strength. They work together in the quiet, setting up their placements on the table, a plate and a cup of tea each.

He clears his throat; takes a sip of tea.

“So uh. Can we skip the embarrassing part, and just go straight to throwing me off a cliff?”

She snorts.

“I’m not throwing you off a cliff, Erend.”

“Kiiiinda wish you would.”

“Well, I won't. But I will ask you for a favor.”

He looks at her, nods. Her eyes catch his fingers picking at the bread on his plate.

“Tell me again. But sober, this time.” The tension ramps up between them, and he whimpers.

“_Aloy-_-”

“I really need to know you can say it when you're sober, because if not, I will walk out right now, and I will also promise to never bring it up.”

Pained eyes study her face, her eyes, her hair, trying to take everything in before he can watch it all burn away. His voice chokes on a whisper.

“I love you.”

She stares still.

“I love you,” he says louder, eyes meeting hers resolutely. If he has to watch it end, he’ll see it through as best he can. He doesn’t want her to walk away, but he’ll be ready to face it if he must.

She takes a deep breath, covers her mouth and looks away to gather herself. Exhales. Looks back at him. He's nervously watching her, fingers tearing the bread apart. She can hear his heel bouncing on the floor across from her.

“There's a lot you have to work on.”

The shaking and fidgeting stop, and he looks at her, confused.

“For what?”

“For us,” she whispers.

His breath leaves his lungs in a rush, eyes wide, watery, and waiting. They’re so blue, she notices, now that they’re clear from the night before.

“You feel something you don't like, your immediate reaction is to find a drink or ten. You hide from me instead of talking to me about things. I don't have time to play guessing games with where we stand.”

He nods, though his heart aches at her words. It was like being told to grow up all over again, except this time involved a lot less death, and no blood on his hands to wash off.

“Did you know...you were the first outlander to reach out to talk to me first?”

He slowly shakes his head. 

“I don't think you understand how much that meant to me,” she whispers, eyes locking on his. Her mouth opens to take in gulping breaths.

“And you stood by me without question when we thought the world might end. I told you you could go, and you didn’t. No hesitance. Not because I was someone important, with some fancy title. Not because I ordered you to. I asked, and you answered. I don't know if it was because...you felt indebted to me because of--”

His hand reaches up to stop her before he even realizes he’s done it.

“No. Aloy, I’d have done it regardless.”

She nods.

“S’because you’re a good person, Erend.”

He scoffs, but hears her teeth click shut on another word, and then she’s glaring at him. Her foot ever so lovingly finds its violent way to his shin under the table. His wince makes her huff, no sympathy from her.

“That's another thing. I won't pull you up out of these self dug holes you keep tripping into. You need to understand that people rely on you because you are trustworthy, and you've proven yourself in the past. If you were a shit captain, don’t you think Marad would’ve brought your lacking ability up to Avad by now? Do you think Avad would put his men, his home, in danger just to make sure he didn't hurt your feelings?”

He shakes his head. Avad was sensible. He was a good man, but an honor bound man. He would do what was best for Meridian. The table wobbles with the force of her palms against them, each gentle slap against the surface an emphasis to the words she wants to pound into his thick skull.

“You need to learn confidence. I understand having moments of doubt, but you do nothing but talk shit about yourself. I can find things wrong with me too. Want to hear them?”

“No, I--”

“Too bad, you’re getting them. I’m terrible with people. I can’t pick up social cues to save my life. You touching my shoulder? The first time someone had touched me in _months_. I still haven’t let anyone touch me.” He feels her steadying breath, watches her chest rise with it.

“It feels like...its too much all at once. Its like...I feel it, and it's all my mind can think about. Someone's touching me._ Someone is touching me_. I'm not used to this, what do I do? Do I let them, do I stop them? Every nerve immediately moves to take in every piece of information it can, because _I’m not used to it._ Talanah offered to do my makeup for a festival, and I almost cried, but I wouldn't let her do it.”

“Aloy…”

“I'm a bit of a know it all. Surprise, right? The girl who jumped in ruins to learn more things and risked her life countless times in the pursuit of knowledge has a thing about knowledge.”

“To be fair, that knowledge saved all our asses.”

“True. But if someone let me, I'd never shut up about it.”

He taps a knuckle on the top of the table; “You’ll have to tell me that fairytale sometime. How it all went down.”

She nods, gives a small smile. “I’m covered in scars.”

“Oh, please. As if that would be a deterrent.”

“Elisabet wasn’t.”

“More of that fairytale I gotta hear.”

“Yeah that's a whole other can of worms I’m not even gonna touch on right now. I have so many issues about her, and GAIA, and just...ugh. Don’t even get me started on All-Mother Mountain. So many issues.”

“You never told me about--”

“Yeah, because I didn’t tell anyone. What I’m getting at is...you have things you're not confident about. We all do. But you let yours rule you, drown out everything else. I think I’m realizing that part of growing up is owning your flaws. Make it work to your advantage. You don't have to like it, sometimes, but you can't let it be the deciding factor of how you live your life.”

“...And I have.”

“Erend, you couldn’t even tell me how you felt about me until you were so drunk you couldn't hold your head up straight, and without spewing a mountain of self hate.”

He takes a steadying breath. Nods.

“But do you understand what I’m getting at? Was I too circular?”

He shakes his head, lets her words settle as they finish eating in silence.

“Aloy…”

“Hmm?”

“I understand and accept your terms if you'll listen to mine.”

She puts her cup down and looks at him curiously.

“You don't tell me anything. You never said what happened at the Proving beyond Olin targeted you, and then people died. When we were trying to figure out what happened to Ersa, that’s the most I’ve ever heard you talk, and it wasn’t even about you. I _need_ you to talk to me.”

“So you love me but you don’t know me?”

“_Aloy!”_

She brings her hands up in surrender. “Yes, alright, I get it! The only other person who ever cared to listen was Rost, so I just...don’t say anything.”

“I don't even know _who Rost is_. They’re important enough that they cared enough to listen to you, and it meant a lot. So much, that you don’t talk to anyone else.”

She seems flabbergasted, mouth gaping and moving like a fish. “I...I never told you about Rost?” she whispers. She gives a pained look when he shakes his head, and crosses her arms carefully over her chest, one hand resting on a bone pendant hanging from a leather cord around her neck.

He holds his hand out slowly from across the table. She eyes it warily before slowly reaching out to touch it with her fingertips. He gives her a moment to work through the touch before he slides his palm under hers, wrapping his fingers loosely around her wrist. Her jaw works beneath her skin, eyes firmly placed on where their skin meets. Her fingers slowly move to caress the inside of his wrist. She looks up to see his eyes firmly on hers. She nods, he nods back. She slides her hand off his, and starts cleaning up in the kitchen. He helps. He finishes putting his armor on, gets ready for the day. They walk out the door, and she stops him. She looks to see all the people milling about early in the morning in the marketplace. Turns to look up at him.

“I know you can do this, Erend.”

He nods, hope shining in his eyes.

“Prove me right.” She whispers, leaning close. He feels his heart stutter in his chest, feeling her heat so close, seeing the shift of colors in her eyes. He wants to never move from this spot. She brings her hands up to straighten his scarf, and he watches her adoringly. She fidgets with the worn edge of the cloth as she begins to speak.

“I won't allow anything past this _one_ thing.”

He looks confused, and doesn't notice her hands fist in the scarf; only catches that she looks a little nervous, but his brain stops when she tugs him down as she stands on her toes. Her lips press against his roughly, and she pushes him against his door. He groans, and moves his hands to reach out to her, but she pulls her hands from his scarf to push his wrists away before he can touch her. She pins them at his sides against the door. A moment later, and she rips away from him with a gasping breath, face red, lips wet and heavy pink.

“Motivation,” she says, breath pushing against his lips, her eyes having a hard time choosing between looking at his mouth, or looking at his eyes. She slowly lets his wrists go, and he doesn't move, too stunned to chase after her airy grin. She walks away but turns and keeps moving backwards. She points to some of the wide eyed spectators around them.

“Witnesses.”

He nods dumbly.

“You better hold up your end of the bargain. I don’t care how long it takes.”

“I love you!” He calls after her. He sees her smile and her mouth moves silently to say “I know”, and then she’s gone. The crowd watching them begin whispering to each other.

~~~

A day later, and all his men have heard the news, and _they aren’t letting him go_.

“I knew you’d kiss her one of these days.”

“So, is she firey in all other aspects of life or…?”

(Which is promptly answered with a growl, and a raised fist. “If you like your tongue inside your head, you’d best shut your damn mouth.”)

“So are you guys gonna take it slow? Because I think we’ve all seen this coming for months, and if things move any slower, we’d have to bet shards on you both being octogenarians before anything happens.”

This, of course, was one of the ones at the Alight who’d seen fit to embarrass him in front of her before the big fight. This is also the one that currently was doing the most tedious work he could think of. Hopefully, that'll teach him to keep his trap shut.

~~~

Avad kindly says nothing to her, though she’s sure Marad, the man who has ears everywhere, knows _something_. They go about business as usual. He hires her to help deal with bandits, or some machines wandering too close to the city. She answers his calls for help, and in return, asks for provisions for her extended trips to find out more about how to fix the mess the ancient ones left them in.

~~~

They meet in private, usually one home or the other. The kiss has been their last public spectacle, and she wants to keep it that way until they can figure this out. There have been no other kisses, just as she promised. He tentatively reaches out to her, a hand held aloft between them as they stand in her kitchen, or sit on his sofa. Sometimes, she takes it. Sometimes, she doesn’t feel ready for how her brain will react since she knows it always means more than just skin touching skin with them. Slowly, but surely, he’s allowed casual arms slung across her shoulders, and she knows they’re living dangerously when she spends one night exhausted and napping against his side.

~~~

“I’m not gonna spend the night, Erend.”

“Nothing has to happen. I just know we’re both tired, and I know we’d fight over who got the bed.”

“The only time I’ll be waking up next to you is when you prove me right. Then you can deal with the walk of shame after.”

“I love how we both decided I’d be staying at your place if anything happens.”

“My place is huge, and I find it very uncomfortable with all that space to myself. Of course you'd be coming to my place.”

“I also love how you’re thinking I’d even be ashamed of walking from your place in my clothes from the night before. That's how I know it's still a fairytale. Shame would have no part of my life that morning, I can promise you. See, you keep me on my toes!”


End file.
